“Surviving”

I reposted a story on my Instagram and I felt compelled to write a blog post. It’s been a while since I’ve felt this way. On my story I shared a post about sexual assault survivors. The post included some really great tips on how to support survivors and I actually loved the post.

One thing that came to my mind when reading it was how I feel about being considered a survivor. I have talked with many other victims about their assault and what I have found is that many don’t truly feel like survivors. I know I don’t feel like have truly survived. Not that every single day is a struggle, but some are. Some days something triggers me and it’s unexpected and it will put me back into a place where the trauma is all I can think of.

I often say that rather than being a survivor I am still learning to survive. Victims will live with the assault every single day. We don’t just get to “survive” it and move on. It takes work, it takes therapy, it takes faith, it takes strength to keep surviving. It’s also not something most victims can do on their own. We have a support system who guides us and loves us through our tough times.

For me personally, the trauma has affected other aspects of my life and when I start to notice it seeping into those areas I have to do the work to understand and overcome it. Throughout my life I have sabotaged relationships and friendships because something triggered me or because I wasn’t doing the work I needed to and I was taking out all of my feelings (and I’ll be honest, my anger) and emotions on those people. As I’ve grown into true adulthood, I’ve found better ways to deal with the pain and the anxiety, but I’d be lying if I said I never to this day take this pain out on others or try to keep it all bottled up until it just boils over. I am still guilty of that and I try my best to take a deep breath and think before I say things I don’t really mean, “try” being the key word. This is why I say I’m still not fully a survivor. I’m still learning to survive and to treat people as my support system rather than my enemy. It’s so easy to fall into a depressed or angry state because of the trauma and it may not be that way for every victim, but it is for me. Admitting that this was a problem and seeking help was the best thing I ever did for myself. I’m also a huge believer in therapy and I think most people, if not everyone, can benefit from therapy.

I will always say that believing and listening and checking in on the people you know who have been victims of sexual assault is the most important thing you can do. Even after 17 years I still struggle, so no matter how much time has passed, it’s always a good idea to check on your friends and family members who have been victims of this kind of trauma and are still trying to survive every single day.

As always, anyone who wants to reach out to talk or for resources or literally for any reason, I’m here.

– Katie 🤍

Thankful, Grateful, Blessed

Hey Everyone,

I hope you all had a wonderful thanksgiving with your loved ones! I enjoyed the day with family and friends and as always I was reminded of how thankful I am for this life. I recently started writing down 10 things I am thankful for each day. It has really helped me to remember that we should celebrate our blessings every single day.

Life is not always easy, but there is always light in the darkness. By writing down what I am thankful for each day it is a little easier to remember that. The reason I am writing this is because there was a time when I didn’t think there was any light in this life. I didn’t understand why or how it was possible to feel that way or why some situations made me feel so sad and vulnerable.

I never knew how much of an impact my childhood trauma would have on me later in life. Recently, a new CDC report (the first ever analysis on this issue by the CDC) warned people about the effects of childhood trauma. Nearly one in six people in the US have experienced at least four types of childhood trauma (1 in 4 girls and 1 in 5 boys are victims of child sexual abuse), which can put them at risk of things like depression and heart disease. Reading this made me realize that so much of my life is how it is because of what I have been through. The article released also states that nurturing relationships can help these effects. It urged states, families, and all people to prevent childhood trauma. My mission in life is to do just that.

I am so lucky to have a nurturing family and friends that love and support me so immensely. It was and is still hard for me to overcome the pain that I have felt for so long, but without them and their nurturing, I never would have grown up to be a strong, confident woman. I am so grateful for these people and the life they have helped me to build.

This report is so important. I read about it and I thought, “finally!”. I am so glad that we are shining a light on an issue that is so near and dear to my heart. I plan to continue to push for this issue to be a part of every school’s curriculum and to get parents and people talking about child sexual abuse and other types of childhood trauma. We need to protect and help our most innocent.

I want everyone to know, I am here to be a listening ear and to help however I can.

~ Katie

It’s Okay to Take a Break

Hey Y’all!

Wow, it’s been so long since I’ve been on here. I have missed sharing with you all! So happy to be back.

I wanted to share why it took me so long to write on here again. When I started sharing with you all what I have been through, I jumped in and went from 0 to 100 too quickly. I never took into account the memories and pain that would be exposed on this journey. That trauma paired with some tough outcomes led me to a place that I never thought I would get to.

After Miss NH, I tried to figure out what was wrong with me, why I didn’t win…but I couldn’t find any answers. I was so hurt and I couldn’t help but ask if it was worth it to expose something so personal and feel like it wasn’t rewarded. In my heart I knew that wasn’t true. I have hopefully helped other victims, survivors, and family members through some of the darkest days. I knew I needed to find the light and happiness in my life again, but I couldn’t do it alone.

I am not ashamed to say this, I started going to counseling. I had reach a point where I wasn’t sure that my life would ever be meaningful and I didn’t think I would ever be good enough. I am so grateful that my life and my perspective has become so much more positive. I never knew the reasons why I felt so hurt by little things or why I couldn’t get over certain situations until I started to deal with the trauma and learn ways to cope when times get tough. I took a break from writing and worked on myself wholeheartedly. I am so grateful for my family, friends, counselor, and God for getting me through that season in my life.

Since going to counseling, I have found what I am passionate about, I have rekindled friendships that I never thought I would, and I have found happiness in the littlest things.

For anyone that is struggling, whether you are a victim or just going through a tough time, never be afraid to say you need help. I hope you always know that those dark days will get brighter. There are people out there that love you. You are always more than good enough. I had to learn this and I am so glad that I had people that pushed me to do the work.

With all of that being said, I want to share with you all that I will be competing for Miss New Hampshire USA in December (if you haven’t already noticed)! I am so excited to get back on the stage with my newfound peace of mind. Join me on my journey to the stage again on my social media pages!

One last note, I want you all to know that my advocacy work is still one of my greatest passions and I have kept in contact with the Child Advocacy Center of Rockingham County throughout my hiatus. They are always looking for more stuffed animals to give out to the children that walk through their doors. These stuffed animals make a huge difference in those little lives! If you or anyone you know have any to donate, please message me!

~ Katie

It’s Been a While

Hello all!

It has been a while since I have been on here. I took a much needed break. As most of you know, I was not crowned Miss New Hampshire 2019. It took me some time to figure out what is next. While my time in the Miss America Organization has come to end, my time volunteering and serving as an advocate for Child Sexual Abuse has not.

I am still working with the Child Advocacy Center of Rockingham County. I am so grateful for the partnership that has grown between myself and this wonderful organization.

With that being said, my mission right now is to collect as many stuffed animals as possible. I spoke with the program director and she mentioned they are running pretty low on the stuffed animals they give to the children. So now is the time my friends, let’s get some stuffed animals donated so each child has something to go home with as proof that they are loved.

Help me spread my message and collect some new stuffed animals for these children! If you have any to donate, or even want to make a monetary donation (I will purchase stuffed animals with the money), please let me know.

~Katie Carlson ❤

It’s Not Always Easy, But It’s Always Worth It

Not a day goes by that I don’t think about what happened to me as a child. Remembering those years of pain reminds me that there are children out there that need to be helped. They need just one person to ask them the right questions, to notice that maybe something about them seems off. There are many signs of child sexual abuse and they can be easy to notice if we know what we are looking for.

The reason I’m writing this blog is because of a situation I encountered the other day. My mother’s coworker has a friend who’s children came to her and told her that they had been sexually abused, so she immediately reached out to me to ask me what the next step for them should be. My mom’s coworker had seen my blog and knew that I would be able to give her friend the information she needed. I was able to direct her to law enforcement and from there they will be referred to a Child Advocacy Center in their area. The two little girls are 11 and 13, I was 11 when I told my family too. I know too well what those girls are going through and what this means for the rest of their lives. I was heartbroken when I heard the news, but knowing that people are reading my blog and coming to me when they need help is comforting. I share some very raw parts of my life and that isn’t always easy, but every time I help a child it makes it worth it.

My life changed the day my brother decided to hurt me in ways I didn’t know possible. I choose to live my life and share the pain with all of you so that some day this issue won’t be so “taboo” and so that some day 0 in 10 children will be affected by child sexual abuse.

I wouldn’t be able to do this without all of you who read and support me in my mission to end child sexual abuse. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart for letting me share my life with you and supporting me time and time again.

Katie Carlson

Miss Exeter 2019

April Isn’t Just Another Month

I have been very active with my Social Impact Initiative lately and I just wanted to hop on here and update you all on that!

April is Child Abuse Prevention Month, this is a month to raise awareness for all child abuse, including child sexual abuse. To kick off the month I was invited to be the featured speaker at the “Champions for Children” Breakfast put together by the Child Advocacy Center of Rockingham County. I love public speaking, so being the featured speaker at that event gave me the opportunity to express my passion for public speaking and for my social impact initiative. I shared my personal story of child sexual abuse, which I detailed in a previous blog post if anyone hasn’t already read it, as well as how I have been able to thrive and succeed throughout life. It was an honor because I was surrounded by law enforcement officials and other members of groups that work to prevent child abuse every single day. I was able to express to them the impact that they have on children who are abused. We don’t give CAC employees, Police Officers, and other organizations that work with this daily enough credit for what they do. I am grateful for any opportunity to thank those that work to better the lives of children, I am also grateful any time I am able to share and speak about child sexual abuse. If we don’t talk about it, nothing will ever change.

I have always been one to want to do more when I am passionate about something. This event pushed me to get involved in more ways and I will keep you all updated when that becomes official.

Many of you already know blue is the color used to represent Child Abuse Prevention Month. I decided to ask family, friends, and local organizations to participate in my “Wear Blue Day” event. Tuesday, April 9 was a successful and impactful day for me. I received pictures all day long and posted them all to my social media pages (they are on my instagram story highlights)! So many friends and family participated, but what hit me the hardest was how far and wide this day spread. I had people sending me pictures from all the way in South Carolina, Pennsylvania, Massachusetts, and beyond. It was truly incredible to spread the word and wear blue to raise awareness of Child Abuse and Child Sexual Abuse. I ended the day by sharing my talent routine for Miss New Hampshire with my baton twirling studio, they even all wore blue to support the cause as well (they are “the Red Stars”, so wearing blue was out of the ordinary for them). Thank you to everyone who participated and keep wearing blue, it is still April!

I have also been collecting stuffed animal donations continuously throughout the year. Each child that goes through the CAC receives a stuffed animal to take home. These stuffed animals remind the children that they are loved and people care about them very much. I have received so many beautiful stuffed animals, some of which have some very special stories already. As I collected more and more teddy bears, a friend of mine mentioned that maybe some retail stores would donate some of their teddy bears as well. I decided to head over to Build-A-Bear Workshop and ask if they would be interested in doing this. Not only were they interested, but they donated 120 teddy bears that have been spread throughout the Child Advocacy Centers of New Hampshire. WOW! It is amazing to know that so many little lives will be made better and more comforted by the sweet, soft teddy bears I was able to donate because of Build-A-Bear. I will be continuing this collection, as always if you have any stuffed animals to donate please reach out!

I am so grateful every day to spread my social impact initiative as far and wide as possible. If you or anyone you know is suffering please direct them to myself or one of the resources I have listed on a previous blog. I am always prepared to help in any way I can.

Katie Carlson

Miss Exeter 2019

Strike Out Child Abuse Bowl-A-Thon

A couple of weeks ago I took part in a very special event that I posted about on my social media pages. I wanted to go a little more in detail about this event. I had the time of my life creating relationships and raising funds and awareness for a cause so close to my heart.

As we enter Child Abuse Prevention Month, this issue has become more important than ever.

The Child Advocacy Center of Rockingham County hosts events throughout the year to raise money in order to fund the work they do every day for children that have suffered from abuse. On March 18, I was able to help host one of those events – the “Strike Out Child Abuse Bowl-A-Thon”. We had around 30 teams of bowlers that each raised $400 or more for the CAC!

The bowlers were made up of local residents, CAC supporters, and even many law enforcement officials. I not only interacted with the bowlers, but I was able to interact with their families and most importantly, their children. It was so fun to dance and play with these kids all night long. I formed a special bond with quite a few of them, they may even make an appearance at Miss New Hampshire.

I was also able to meet Patricia Conway, the Rockingham County Attorney and some of her assistant attorneys. I discussed my work to eliminate the statute of limitations in child sexual abuse cases as well as my work with Child Sexual Abuse Awareness as a whole. They were so kind and welcoming and I look forward to continuing my work with these very influential people.

Most importantly, this event raised a lot of money for the CAC of Rockingham County. $15,000 to be exact. I was honored to be able to be the one to announce that final tally. How amazing is it that a community came together to raise so much money for an organization that guides victims of child abuse every day. My work with the advocacy center has been life changing and I am so grateful for opportunities like these to be able to use my voice and share my passion.

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that I am still (as always) looking for stuffed animal donations. If you have any please let me know, you have no idea the impact those stuffed animals have on the children who receive them.

Thank you for your continued support and love along this journey, be on the lookout because this week and the month of April is a very important time for me! (don’t forget to wear blue on April 9!)

Katie Carlson

Miss Exeter 2019

Wear Blue Day

Hi everyone!

This is going to be a short one (I have another blog coming up about my event last week). I wanted to share that on April 9th, I am asking for you, your family, and your friends/coworkers to wear something that is the color blue!

April is Child Abuse Prevention month. The color representing this issue is royal blue. SO, on Tuesday, April 9…wear blue and send me a picture and you’ll be featured on my Instagram and Facebook!! Let’s drum up awareness for an issue that is so close to my heart!

Thank you in advance to everyone that participates and thank you to everyone that has supported me and continues to do so!

Katie Carlson

Miss Exeter 2019 💙

Teaching Children Body Safety

Good Afternoon!

Today’s blog is going to feature how to teach children body safety. As I continue to work with my social impact initiative, I find time and time again that there is a lack of education regarding this issue.

When I was eight, I had no idea what was happening to me. I also didn’t know that my body was necessarily being violated. I knew I didn’t like it, but I didn’t realize I should say something because it was my brother, he was supposed to protect and love me.

Through my research and meeting with experts, I have found some great information to share:

• Teach Children Correct Terms for their Body Parts:
  • Why?: If a child is touched inappropriately, we need them to be able to clearly communicate to someone what has happened.
  • You can start this as early as diapering and potty training all the way through puberty.
• Use a Book to Begin a Conversation with Children:
  • There are some great books to help start the conversation with children.
  • One of my favorite books to read to children is “No Means No!: Teaching Children About Personal Boundaries, Respect, and Consent”. I have read this book to children and it always helps to empower them and teach them that they don’t have to hug or hold hands if they don’t want to. There are so many other great books, if you are interested in any please message me and I will give you a recommendation.
• Teach Children Which Parts of their Bodies are “Private” Body Parts:
  • The best way to describe these body parts is to tell them these are the body parts that are covered by a bathing suit.
  • We should tell children that these are the body parts no one touches (unless assisting with toileting, bathing, or part of a doctor’s exam)
    • We can start this conversation as early as potty training
    • Tell kids they are not to touch anyone else’s private parts
    • Tell children the people that are allowed to touch them there (Ex. During a doctor’s visit and only with a caregiver present; a caregiver changing a diaper; etc.)
• Teach Children What to do if Someone Shows them their Private Parts:
  • Let them know they need to TELL a parent, caregiver, or another trusted adult as soon as possible.
• Discuss the Difference Between Secrets and Surprises:
  • Child abusers often say it’s a “secret” and they may test children by seeing if they can keep a secret as innocent as an ice cream cone.
• Encourage Children to Tell you About things that Happen that Make them Feel Sad, Uncomfortable, or Scared:
  • Help children to know who they can go to if you aren’t available (Caregivers or other trusted adults).
• Do not Force Children to Hug People, Even Relatives:
  • A child needs to feel “in charge” of their own body. The simple act of listening if they don’t want to hug someone speaks volumes. I have always said, never force a child to hug people if they don’t want to. It is their choice.
• Ask your Child Questions to Help them Think Through Possible Situations:
  • “What would you do if someone touched you on your ___ ?”
  • “Who would you tell?”
  • “What if they say it was ‘our secret'”?
• Encourage Children to Trust their Feelings:
  • Let children know if something feels “weird” or “off” they need to listen to that feeling. It is a natural instinct giving a signal that danger may be near.

I also want to share a child sexual abuse resource website with you. If you have any questions about where to go, what to do, or you just want more information visit https://www.nctsn.org/ and type in “child sexual abuse” in the search bar. There are a number of documents there full of information on the topic.

These are some of the most important educational tips regarding child sexual abuse. Children can’t tell anyone what is happening if they have no idea what it is. I encourage you to talk to the children in your life. Let them know that they are in charge of their bodies and private parts. I want children to feel empowered and go on to live happy and healthy lives. I will not stop fighting to protect the innocent until the number of children affected by child sexual abuse is zero.

Thank you all so much for your love, support, and encouragement along this very vulnerable journey.

~ Katie Carlson ~

Miss Exeter 2019

Two Months To Go

Miss New Hampshire is less than two months away!! I am in shock at how fast time flies. I feel like I was just crowned Miss Exeter, but I am so excited for Miss New Hampshire!!

I wanted to share a little “two months to go” update. I have been working to spread my social impact initiative throughout New Hampshire. I love the idea of being more visible in the media and sharing more of my experiences with people that way and that is something I’m working on!

Both March and April are special months for me. Aside from my birthday in March…I am helping to run the Strike Out Child Abuse Bowl-A-Thon on March 18! This event is so important because it is a huge fundraiser for the Advocacy Center of Rockingham County. I wanted to share with you all that I am collecting cash donations for this event as well, so if anyone is interested in donating please message me!

April is Child Abuse Awareness month. A month that for me means so much to me. It is a month to really highlight this issue. While Child Sexual Abuse should be remembered and talked about year round, April will offer many opportunities to host events and raise awareness. I am so excited to share with you one huge event I’ll be taking part in, but I don’t want to give it away just yet, which means you’ll have to keep reading my updates.

Lastly, I want to mention that I am still collecting stuffed animals for the Advocacy Center! If you have any to donate please let me know. The ones that have already been donated have made such an impact, sending a huge thank you to everyone that has already donated.

I will be releasing another informational blog soon, so keep an eye out!

Thank you all so much for your continued support. I’m so excited for what’s to come with my social impact initiative and I hope you all keep reading and following along. 💙

~Katie Carlson, Miss Exeter 2019